Hi. I'm Xanthe Paige and this is a blog containing my inner thoughts and desire.

Prom.. It's a 6-hour program and it feels like it's only a 1-hour program. I wish there's another prom next year. I miss it already. I miss the food, the dance floor and everything. That was the night that I partied hard. I'm like a drunk woman there lol. So yeah. I pretty much enjoyed our prom and I wasn't expecting that. The best part is when the slow dance comes. T danced with me two times and it was magical. :) There he is with me. I wish that night never ended.

T and A are perfect for each other. It's like they're inseparable. I wish my feelings just fade for f*ck's sake. I know that I don't have any chance with thane but here I am, stupidly holding on when there's nothing to hold on to. Liking him is wrong and what will happen if i loved him? Ugh. This is hard. I wish he's not that ideal boy I would dream for but he is. He likes the same music as me, we're both losers back then, we laugh at things not worth laughing at, and we're so awkward in person. How can I not like him? Please don't tell me that I love him. That's not good. His girlfriend. His girlfriend is the most perfect girl I can think of. She likes the music as me, she's smart, she's pretty, she's cool and all that. How can I compete with her huh? It's like suicide. And the way she looks at me. As if she's telling me to f*ck off or something. I think she knows that I like his boyfriend. I don't know what to do. It's monday tomorrow and hopefully, he will say hi to me again. That completes my day, you know.




I'm done reading looking for Alaska. It made me realize that life is precious and short. We should all embrace the chance that we are alive. I'll continue this later. Bye friend.

Since I can't sleep, here's a preview on my first book which will eventually suck.
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It's 12AM in the morning. I still can't sleep and hungry. I am in needof sleeping pills right now. 

      "Sweetdreams Xanthe. Please fall asleep."

I can't stop thinking of how my life will work tomorrow. I mean later.It's my last day of school. I can't leave them yet. I just can't. I thinkI should stop thinking about that now. Okay. Close your eyes and imagine you're counting sheeps. 1..2..3...

      "Xanthe! Wake up!" 

It's like I just blinked my eye and now It's morning. My ass is still attachedon our bed. Fantastic.     

      "Yeah Mom."

I'm leaving them. I'm leaving my friends. I'm leaving Levi I'm leaving my life. But that's the plan. I can't ruin it. 

My mom gave me the Beatles' anthology. I love the Beatles but I'm not quite excited holding or owning it. I have a fever and I'm going to be absent tomorrow. Well it's cross-age reading tomorrow and there's many people so I hate it. I want to tell children the stories that I love but that would terribly scare them. I'm supposed to dress like a stupid cowgirl but I think I'd ruin the reputation of the story. Any child would be terrified to see a girl wearing a cowgirl costume that is thin like a matchstick and has pimples all over her face. I think he/she'll end up crying. I'm no good with kids. They just get scared at me and I hate socializing with some. It's because of a 3rd grade girl that irritates me. She's all sparkly and girly and loud. I hate loud kids. Even adults or teenagers. I hate it. It makes my brain explode and my hand is saying "bitchslap her/him. Right now." Very weird mind of mine right? Oh well. Enough of that. My head hurts. I think I'm going to sleep after this friend. Oh yeah one more story before I go to sleep... Okay forget it. I'm going to bed. It missed me alot. Goodnight friend.

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*no title yet*

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